One of the first discussions I have with my coaching clients is to ask them what their priorities are. I usually get some very thoughtful and compelling answers.
“My family comes first. I want to make sure I spend enough time with them.”
“I want to grow my business.”
“My health is important. I’d like to lose weight or be in better shape.”
“I’ve been meaning to write that book.”
“I want to make more time to volunteer for my favorite cause.”
Those are admirable goals, but then I ask another question:
If I look at your calendar, your to-do list, your checkbook, and your credit card statement, would I see them clearly displayed there?
And often the reaction is…ouch.
The truth is, our priorities aren’t revealed by our intentions. They’re not revealed by what we SAY they are. They’re revealed by where we consistently invest our time, attention, and money. That’s something that becomes clear when we look at the pieces of information that rule our daily lives. Where we spend our time and our money. One of the first things I do with clients after we’ve discussed their goals and priorities for our work is to look at their calendar and to-do list. This stimulates some interesting questions (and challenging answers!)
If your calendar is packed with meetings but has no time blocked for strategic planning or focused work, is growth really a priority?
If your to-do list is filled with other people’s requests while your most important project gets pushed to “next week” again, are your priorities driving your schedule—or is your schedule driving your priorities?
If you say your health matters but every meal comes from a drive-thru because you’re “too busy,” your habits may be telling a different story.
And then there’s the stuff that probably isn’t officially on their calendar or task list, but the discussion often turns to how much time they spend scrolling on social media, binge watching, or aimless shopping resulting in mindless Amazon purchases (how many packages are delivered to your home every day? Guilty as charged..)
But this isn’t about guilt. It’s about awareness.
Many of us unintentionally create friction between what we value and how we spend our days. We allow interruptions, urgent requests, cluttered schedules, and reactive habits to crowd out the things that matter most. Over time, that friction quietly widens the gap between our stated priorities versus our lived priorities. The good news is that priorities aren’t fixed—they’re reflected in choices. And choices can change.
Take a few minutes this week to conduct a simple “priority audit.” Review your calendar from the past month. Scan your task list. Look over your recent spending. Ask yourself:
- Does this reflect the life and work I’m trying to build?
- Where am I investing the most time and energy?
- What deserves more space on my calendar?
- What can I stop doing to make room for what matters?
Your calendar is more than a scheduling tool. It’s a mirror. It reflects what you’ve chosen to value, whether intentionally or by default. If you don’t like what you see, don’t start by working harder. Start by reducing the friction that’s keeping your true priorities from showing up in your daily decisions.
After all, your priorities aren’t defined by what you say “yes” to once in a while. They’re defined by what you repeatedly make room for.
Want to align your daily actions with what matters most? My signature presentation, Dialing Down the Friction: A Smarter Way to Get the Right Stuff Done, explores why our best intentions so often get derailed, and how to remove the hidden obstacles that keep us from focusing on our highest priorities. If you’re looking for a practical, engaging session for your team or event, let’s connect.
